"I don't need feminism"

We have all seen the images making the rounds on social media.. women hiding their faces with notes about why they do not need feminism. The images, and the ideals behind them, are proof positive that we feminists need way better PR people! We have allowed an entire political/religious party to demonize our quest for equality, and women are falling for the propaganda with wild abandon.

 Why?

It would be easy for us (women) to stand a bit more united if the enemy were clearly defined. Women could easily see the damage being done in the name of religious misogyny or blind ignorance if it were just men strutting about proclaiming what our place is and what our roles are. We could band together and fight our fight with an obvious target. That, sadly, is not the case.

Enter the pretty face of inequality.. Ann Coulter, Michelle Bachman, Phyllis Schlafly, Star Parker, Renee Ellmers.. educated, successful women telling us that we ARE less so we DESERVE less. Spouting off about our intellectual flaws, our emotional insecurity, our basic less-ness in the eyes of men and god. These are our enemies, these talking heads, paid millions to tell women that we are stupid, useless whores unless a man says otherwise. Preaching from a television screen about the evils of independent womanhood. Screaming about the war on men, because wanting equality is emasculating the penis havers.

Really.

What strikes me as so side-splittingly hilarious is this.. without the feminist movement, without the very ideas and rights our feminist predecessors fought and died (Yes.. DIED) for, these women would not have the ability to even be seen or heard.

That's right ladies, you LITERALLY owe your ability to demonize your own gender, to write books, go on speaking tours, immortalize yourself on the internet, or get on television and discuss the horrors of equality, to the very women you stand against.

In order to convince women everywhere that feminism is a dirty nasty thing, women themselves are seeking out the very fringes of the movement. Pointing to the militant man haters and the spoof tampon non-users, women are taking these examples as the be all end all gospel truth of what feminists are, of what feminism stands for. With no thought to actually looking for the reality, the truth, the face of feminism in its gritty realness, women take the lies based on fear and believe them.

Google is a beautiful tool. It's simple and quick, giving even a toddler the ability to access HUGE amounts of  information. Seriously.. Google it. There is ZERO excuse for anyone to not be informed, to not be a fucking expert on the issues that move them. I realize that the entire basis of this anti-feminist thing is completely dependent on people not receiving balanced information, and that so many prefer to simply have their own fears and biases fed back to them via their choice of media, but really, why live in willful ignorance?

(ig·no·rance noun lack of knowledge or information.)

It's easy. Let someone tell you what to do, what to think, what to believe, and you are no longer responsible for yourself. "It's wrong because _______ says so, not because I think so" We make people and religions rich, all to avoid personal responsibility. Yes, it's simple to get both sides of the issue, but so much is riding on you NOT looking away from those spouting their version of truth.. most people just won't do it because they have been told not to. 

The women that fought so hard for the small measure of equality that we have today in America: Abigail Adams, Sarah Moore Grimke, Sojourner Truth, Jane Addams, Susan B. Anthony, Alice Constance Austin, Rachel Foster Avery, Catharine Beecher, Elizabeth Blackwell, Antoinette Brown, Katharine Bushnell, Frances Jennings Casement, Carrie Chapman Catt, Mary Agnes Chase, Voltairine de Cleyre, Margaret Fuller, Matilda Joslyn Gage, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Angelina Emily Grimke, Ida Crouch-Hazlett, Julia Ward Howe, Mary Livermore, Clarina I. H. Nichols, Anna Garlin Spencer, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucy Stone, Harriet Tubman, Frances Willard, Victoria Woodhull.. each of these women understood the value of equality, the value of being a woman, the value of our ideas and of our intelligence. These women (how many did you have to Google I wonder) whose names every person should know, women who sacrificed and struggled in the hopes that their daughters and granddaughters and great great great granddaughters would never have to, these women made it possible for women to stand on a national stage as congresswomen and senators and vilify the acts of feminism.

Before you proudly display your notion of what feminism is, and why you as a woman do not need it, take a minute to understand the truth. Stop listening to what you have been told by women making millions to misinform you and look for the reality of feminism. Chances are, you will discover that yes, you ARE a feminist at heart. 

  

  

Why it is ok to laugh at Monica Lewinsky..

Monica Lewinsky is in the news again (because Bengazi isn't really a thing anymore) crying about how she feels feminists let her down during the Clinton scandal. She claims that she was a pawn in a political game and how, as a victim of the patriarchy, feminists should have been in her corner.

Well Ms. Lewinsky, let's discuss that shall we?

(I know, there was an open letter about this already.. this is my take on it.. go here to read the other one) samuel-warde.com/2014/05/letter-monica-lewinsky-feminist/

Why, as a group of people so united in fighting not only the misogyny of our patriarchal society but inequality in all forms, would we not stand up for you?

Feminism did not stand with you because you made a mockery of every woman that fought to get ahead in a male dominated market.

Feminism did not stand with you because you attempted to turn a blowjob and a cum stain into your 15 minutes of fame.

Feminism did not stand with you because you sucked the cock of a powerful man that you knew was married and had everything to lose when you made the affair public.

 Feminism did not stand with you because you purposefully pursued an affair in order to make it public, you saved a dirty dress!

Feminism did not stand with you because you made a choice to be a pawn, you were not used by anyone but yourself.

Your behavior was an affront to every woman that worked her ass off to get where she was, every woman clawing her way through the mire of misogyny our government is steeped in, every woman who wouldn't fuck her boss so she was overlooked, and here you go.. showing your panties and scoring some time with the President for your own gain.

Did Bill Clinton behave like a tool? You bet! Does he carry the bulk of the blame for his behavior? Absolutely! Let's be honest here Monica.. were you really going to take no for an answer?

You were never a victim, you were a woman who knowingly and willingly began an affair because you believed it would get you places you wanted to be. Makes one wonder how you managed to get the internship and job at the Legislative Affairs in the first place.. any coincidence that the word affair was in your job title?? Seriously Monica, we have to ask, did you fuck your way up the ladder?

I know, stop yelling, I'm not being a bitch or anything by asking! You showed that you are not adverse to spreading your lips and legs (there was mention of cigar penetration wasn't there) to further your career.. it's not a stretch to believe that behavior didn't begin with Clinton.

Your words, written in Vanity Fair:

“I still have deep respect for feminism and am thankful for the great strides the movement has made in advancing women’s rights over the past decades.  But, given my experience of being passed around like gender-politics cocktail food, I don’t identify myself as a Feminist, capital F.  The movement’s leaders failed in articulating a position that was not essentially anti-woman during the witch hunt of 1998.  In the case of the New York Supergals, it should not have been that hard for them to swoon over the president without attacking and shaming me.  Instead, they joined the humiliation derby.” 

That's all a bit dramatic isn't it?

You were failed by your own idiotic fantasies, not by feminism!

Are you really so stupid to believe that your own actions would not be looked upon? For craps sake, you SAVED THE FUCKING DRESS!! That smacked of deliberate intent, leading us to believe that you were exactly where you wanted to be, and not an innocent. If for one moment we could have seen anything besides a woman hell bent on ruining a career, a marriage, a reputation, then maybe you would have had some support. You made sure that no woman, much less a feminist woman, could defend the treatment you received when the affair came to light!

As a feminist, as a liberal, as a woman, I laugh at you.

You, Monica Lewinsky, will never be defended by us. We all know you were a willing participant in the attempted destruction of a President.

Your timing is perfect btw, I'm sure your GOP handlers are quite proud of you.

Understand, we laugh at you. Your name is a joke, your actions are used as a caution to women everywhere, you will never be embraced by Feminists (capital F) because you are the antithesis of everything we stand for.

Being "somebody"

We all want to be special, to be important, to be SOMEBODY. There are some out there that are content with meaning something to their family and friends, living a quiet life and never needing recognition on any scale larger than their own homes.

 Then, there are the rest of us.

We have an idea that maybe, just maybe, we really are as important as we think we are. That everyone, everywhere, NEEDS to hear our voice and be awed by our brilliance. We are brilliant you know, every thought we have is some amazing bit of awesome, and if the world would just listen to us for one minute we could fix everything.

Oh yes, I am absolutely counted in this! I want to share my wisdom and ideals with everyone, hoping to bring some order and intelligence back to our planet of increasing idiocy. I'm a writer/blogger/thinker and an attention hungry human. So I toss out my words in every possible form, hoping that some of them may land and grow into rational thoughts the world over.

I will never change the world. I have blogs and articles and tweets and status updates so full of intelligent argument it should make anyone who reads them sit up and shout "Eureka! I have seen the light!" yet they go largely unnoticed, run down by the latest gossip or scandal, covered up by the landslide of other, louder voices all shouting for attention.

Does that stop me? Obviously not, I still harbor that desire to make a difference, to be that voice, to for real change the world anyway.

Here is the question though, and it's one with no answer but still must be asked: How do we find the sanity, the truth, when we are bombarded every second of every day by the screaming blather of everyone else?

There are sources that we should know are full of shit, yet people repeat the lies line by line.. memorizing each tidbit of untruth like it's their high school play. For hours, days, years on end these people have been saturated with falsehoods and for many, it is too terrifying to stop listening. It doesn't matter if you are a liar, brimming with hate and greed, as long as you can scream the loudest for the longest you win, because people will begin to hear your voice as all the others go out.

A voice of reason, of truth and intelligence and rational ideals, those are harder to come by. We do not want to hear how easy change could be, because the status quo must be maintained. We don't want to think for ourselves, we do not want to give up our easy breezy lives and freedoms that we have done nothing to deserve.

Think for me, tell me what to do, just don't take away my right to stand in line for the new iphone or restrict my internet access because that one celebrity is getting ready to have her baby and I must know all about it. No, I don't care if my products are made by children overseas or that the store I worship at treats people badly, I just want the biggest tv you have because Teen Mom is on in 10 minutes. I will believe whatever you tell me to believe so I can continue to pretend that none of this actually affects me in any way.

Now, we all know which side of the fence I sit on. I know that there are those that sit one the other side who will absolutely disagree with me on every single point I have just made, and that's ok.

I just want you, whoever you are, to think about your ideals. Really think about them, and reach your own conclusions.You don't have to agree with me, but stop accepting what you hear at face value. Question, explore, do a damn Google search for craps sake. It's time to be a bit uncomfortable, because the alternative is unconscionable.

Stand up and really BE somebody, even if it only changes your world. Be loud, speak up and out, join the rest of us in trying to be heard. Somewhere out there, one of us really is special, one of us really can make it better, maybe it's you.

Rape culture, thriving in America.

Montana District Judge G. Todd Baugh, white, male, well to do.. and newest supporter of the rape culture defining America. 

On Monday August 26, Baugh handed down a sentence in a horrific rape case. The defendent, 54 yr old Stacey Rambold, stood accused of raping then 14 yr old Cherice Moralez. Rambold was found guilty, and given.. 30 actual days in jail. (The sentence was 15 years, with all but 31 days suspended.. and Baugh lopped off another day for time served)

Judge Baugh defended his sentence, saying that  "I think that people have in mind that this was some violent, forcible, horrible rape, It was horrible enough as it is just given her age, but it wasn't this forcible beat-up rape," and claiming that Cherice was just as in control of the situation as Rambold was, because she was older than her chronological age when it came to sexual matters.   

Cherice Moralez was not present at the sentencing, she took her own life in 2010, at age 16. 

Now, let's take a minute to look at the cold, hard facts of this case, shall we? Who is REALLY to blame for the advancement of victim blaming in Montana?

Rambold was arrested in 2008, and charged with 3 counts of sexual intercourse without consent. (Legal mumbo jumbo for Rape) 

It was later revealed, during a civil case Cherice's mother brought against the school district, that Rambold had been ordered in 2004 to have no physical contact or time alone with female students. That's right boys and girls, 4 years where a school knew they had a sexual predator in their midst and swept it under the rug. 

In February 2010, 2 years after the rape(s), Cherice Moralez commits suicide. It is believed that the rape(s) at the hands of her teacher was the defining factor in her death. At the time of her suicide, the rape case was still pending.

The prosecutors had a problem with trying a man for rape when his victim was dead, so they offered Rambold a deal. (of course they did) He would get off scott free, if he would only attend some counseling and treatment program for the next 3 years. Naturally, our intrepid rapist and pedophile jumped at the chance! 

Can you guess what happened next? 

Cue December 2012, when it was noticed that Rambold wasn't exactly following along with the deal. He was hanging out with unsupervised minors, he wasn't going to meetings, (had been, in fact, kicked out of the program all together!) and he was shagging some sad bimbo who obviously had no idea (I hope not anyway) that her bed buddy was a rapist and a kiddy-diddler. So, he was sought out and arrested. 

It has now been almost 5 years since his first arrest and almost 3 years since the death of Cherice Moralez.

Enter the honorable Judge G. Todd Baugh. He saw through the bluster and bullshit, handing down a sentence sure to finally allow the parents of Cherice Moralez a sense of closure and justice for their poor lost little girl. Judge G. Todd Baugh.. said Cherice was in control during the sexual encounters, said that she was mature in the ways of sex, and said that because she wasn't brutalized then it was ok. He then sentenced a rapist and a pedophile to physically serve 30, that's right 30, days in jail.  

Now, the family of Cherice Moralez, along with Montana's NOW chapter and several victim's advocacy groups are calling for a review, sanction, and censure of Judge G.Todd Baugh. Rightly so. Unfortunately, Baugh was just the last in a long list of people that failed Cherice Moralez. The school district, the prosecutors, the legal system itself.. all allowed the rape of a young girl to go unpunished. Allowed that young girl to take her own life because of a monstrous act committed against her. The only one not adversely effected, was the criminal himself, Stacey Rambold. 

So welcome Billings, Montana.. Yellowstone County.. and Judge G.Todd Baugh to the club, all showing that Rape Culture is alive and Thriving in America.



  

A culture of Rape..

I am a rape survivor. I wear the scars of my rape, both on my skin and on my psyche, every single day. I did not report the rape. I did not attempt to bring to justice the man who took my virginity, my sense of safety, my control over my body, my ability to say what was allowed. I was scared. He knew where I lived, he told me he would hurt me again, hurt my family, if I ever told. I didn't tell. I hid the fact that I had been raped at knife point, had been cut with that knife, had bled and cried and begged.. hid it for 4 years. 

The telling was hard, it was horrible. I was not believed. Why would I hide this from anyone? I was just looking for an excuse for my behavior. After this long, why would I even bring it up? Eventually, people knew what I said was true.. but I knew in those first moments why so many survivors of rape NEVER tell. Which is why I have such huge respect, am in such awe, feel so proud of the women and girls that not only tell, but demand that their attacker be punished.

Watching CNN sigh and wring their hands over the lost potential of two rapists.. seeing a young woman vilified for standing up, the death threats, the name calling, the shaming of a victim.. but oh, those poor boys, their lives are ruined. Our daughters are more likely to be raped than they are likely to get into college, and when (not if) they are raped, our daughters will be blamed. 

These young women will be told they asked for it. They dressed too sexy, or flirted, or had some drinks, or got high, or passed out, or was already sexually active, or, or, or.. Do not believe that the rapist will have his life opened up and picked through. No one will tell him that his pattern of behavior made this happen. It will not be HIS fault. His friends will come forward with stories of the girl sleeping around. HER friends will start gossip about her being a drunk or a slut. The victim will continue to be victimized, by everyone, including the media. 

Enough. Stop it already. No one ever asks to be raped, if a woman asks for sex then it isn't rape, unless she stops asking and starts saying no. Stop attacking the victim because you are stupid, because you hate women, because you think the rapist is hot but he never talked to you in the hall, because you are jealous that the victim had prettier hair than you, because you have been brainwashed to believe that no matter what it was totally the females fault and the rapist was just a guy.. and guys can't help being rapists.

Bullshit. 

Rape isn't about sex, it isn't about the woman and what she did or didn't do. Rape is about the rapist, his need to debase another human being, his need to prove he is powerful, his need to BE a rapist. 

When will we understand? You can not 'teach' a girl how to not be raped, because there is nothing we can do to change the ONE reason women are raped. We are raped because.. we are girls, we are women, we will never be anything other than that. We must teach our boys, our men, our society how to not be a rapist. Teach that no means no, even if she said yes first. Women are not fodder for a man's base desires, we are not blow up dolls to be used and tossed away. When a female says no, then if you continue to advance, you become a rapist.. period. Men rape their wives, their girlfriends, the girl from the bar.. the second we say no, it is rape. It's simple. Teach them that no, or the inability to say yes, means that ANY sex is rape. 

The victim of a rape deserves our compassion, our sorrow.. we should mourn the loss of her potential and the effect being raped will have on her life.. the rapist is the only one (or ones) that made a choice, a rapist destroys their own life.

Not in MY town..

I am a bleeding heart liberal, queen of the second chance and champion of the falsely accused, but a blurb from my local news station tonight has me livid! 

On Feb. 14 1997 in Colorado Springs, CO, Andy Westbay (13) and his friend Scott Hawyrsiak (15) were gunned down in cold blood while walking home from a friends house.

Andy WestbayScott Hawyrsiak

 Police had no leads and no motive for the shotgun deaths of the boys, until a tip called in to Crimestoppers led them to 16 yr old Gary Flakes and 17 yr old Jeron Grant. *According to Flakes’ confession to police, he and Grant were heading to Fort Carson, where both boys lived, when they saw Andy and Scott. Grant told Flakes he wanted to kill someone “to get something off my chest.” He grabbed a 12-gauge shotgun out of the backseat, got out, said a few words to the boys and opened fire.The first blast hit Andy in the neck. Scott ran as the shotgun erupted two more times, hitting Scott in the back of the head.* The killers then drove home.

 Grant and Flakes were tried as adults, both charged with first degree murder although neither were fingered for pulling the trigger. Gary Flakes was convicted of criminally negligent homicide and accessory to murder, he was sentenced to 15 years in prison. Jeron Grant was convicted to accessory to second degree murder and accessory to manslaughter, he was sentenced to 12 years. 

Gary FlakesJeron Grant

End of story right? Not so much. Jeron Grant was paroled in 2008, but was caught with crack cocaine and sent back to prison for another 6 years. The subject of my outrage, Gary Flakes, was sent to a halfway house in 2010 and released as a free man in 2011.  

Today,(January 2,2013) Gary Flakes, convicted murder of 2 teenagers, announced that he is running for City Council here in Colorado Springs. He says he is "more mature now, I am an adult", and is asking for the citizens to forget his crime and instead concentrate on the whole year he has spent volunteering with Colorado Juvenile Defenders Coalition, assisting in their efforts to stop juveniles being tried as adults. Oh, and he also testified to Colorado lawmakers about the horrors of being in solitary confinement. Both of those selfless acts totally make up for cold blooded murder right?

While chances are decent that this "man" will never make it to the polls, the entire act smacks of scam. No one has a handle on why Flakes wants to run for Council. To be honest, it seems like he is setting up a lawsuit. Regardless of his true motive, the very act of announcing his intent is a slap in the face of his victims families. Flakes is essentially saying, "I killed your kids because I wanted to, but hey, look how great I'm doing!"

It is my fondest wish that Gary Flakes does not get the chance to flaunt himself in the public eye. I do not agree that criminals can't change, or that they should be held accountable for their crimes beyond their punishments, or even that they should not be allowed to hold office based on their past. My problem with Gary Flakes is this, go somewhere else to live out your political aspirations. Do not subject the families and friends of the boys you murdered to your bid for fame and fortune (even if it is podunk Colorado Springs fame) You want to make a difference, go do it in another town, leave this one alone.  

* Source- http://sidestreets.freedomblogging.com/tag/jeron-grant/

Thank you..

Thank you conservative, christian, moral republican/tea party politicians.. Thank you.

No, you aren't at the wrong blog.. you haven't been transported to a fox news site! While this is a heart-felt thank you to the right wing propaganda machine, I doubt that I will be invited Michelle Bachman's holiday bash to publicly exhort the virtues of this party. Now, if I may continue..

Thank you. With every deed, you force women, gays, african-americans, and the latin communities to despise you.

When you allow and encourage your party members to compare women to livestock, when your female members (elected seat holders at that) state that women are too emotional and fragile to vote, when you prance about on every network sniping about how a collection of cells has more value than the real live human being those cells live in.. you force people to hold you accountable for your obvious disdain of the female sex.

When you claim a book calls for the hatred and outright persecution of an LGBT person, when you demand your followers support a business that funds hate groups, when you call homosexuality a disability and compare it to murder in terms of morality, when your 3 ex wives stand with you while you proclaim the sanctity of "one man-one woman" marriage, when you turn your own children away because they love someone of the same sex, when you refuse to believe that gay rights should be the same as your rights (the SAME, not special), you force a nation to deny your lies and shine a light on your hatred.

When you attempt to harass a minority into not voting, when you call an entire race of people lazy, when your members publicly and repeatedly claim that "slavery was not so bad" and imply that maybe we should go back to that era, when you hold the race of your fellow humans in higher regard than their acts or accomplishments, when the members of your party that are of a non white race continue to fight for the destruction of their own color hoping that maybe you won't notice they aren't white, you force America to rip the white sheets from your head and speak your name for all to hear.  

When you sit in your million dollar house counting your billions of dollars and claim that you got there all by yourself, when you want to remove programs that feed people, when you cry out that people should just work harder or have better jobs and that will solve their problems, when you scream how the poor are useless and how dare they think they deserve food or housing or work, when you claim life is sacred but not on your dime, when you regard a struggling single mother as a criminal or child abuser, you force us to fight back and bring you down.

You are not better than us, you got where you are on the backs of us. Your hatred and bigotry and misogyny and elitism has brought you to your knees. Those you despise are standing over your party, sword in hand, ready to deal the death blow.

Thank you.. for giving America the passion and fire we so needed to remove you and your ilk from our view, soon we can be what we should have always been.. strong and proud and UNITED!